The 2012 Etappers

Clive “The Rhino” Handy

Seen here on Alpe D'Huez in full Summer plumage with stored lard for the forthcoming Winter, Clive is one of only two on the Tour de Mercredi who have done the Etape before.

Already a shadow of his former self, Clive is hoping to be only 70% of the man you see here by the time of next year's Etape.

He is official organiser, bus driver and travel agent to Le Tour de Mercredi because this was all his stupid idea.

Brett “Brian Camembert” Green

The only other member of Le Tour de Mercredi to have completed the Etape before, Monsieur Camembert (so named owing to his contributions to the peloton) will be getting a head start on the rest of us, since he finished in the first 2,000 last time.

Colonel Sir Charles Clutterbuck Mulraine OBE, KCMG, KFC

Motivator in chief to the TdM, Charlie is one of those annoying people who excels at just about every sport he tries.

Currently, he is handicapping himself by riding with a 53/39 chainset, but if he gets a compact by next Summer, he may be one to watch (as he disappears into the distance).

Marcus Hancock

He's "floaty light" and a real problem to try and keep up with uphill, so Marcus is another to whom the Etape should prove little more than a testing, but enjoyable, day out.

Will the Etape du Tour encourge him to splash out on a new steed, or will he embarrass the rest of us some more by riding away from us on a steel-framed machine fabricated when God was a lad?

Bridge “The Whippet” Simon

Another rider who could do with a good meal or twenty to slow him down, Monsieur Simon will be well suited to the profile of the Etape. Whilst he may not have the Rhino's downhill momentum, he more than makes up for it when heading for altitude.

Needing to change his name officially by deed poll before the Etape, Bridge (as those on first name terms know him) does not know the difference between "Nom" and "Prenom" on the Etape entry form.

Tony “T Bone” Donaldson
Tony is the Tour de Mercredi Stuntman, being single-handedly responsible for 80% of the 'clipless moments' suffered on the Wednesday Tour.

The most recent convert to the two wheeled fraternity, Tony has a mountain to climb in training before even approaching the four on the Etape, but he'll get there.

Joe “Giuseppe” Cheshire

Another nightmare uphill, Joe still has a tendency to go over to the 'dark side' far too often and take his mountain bike out. There is still good in him. Thankfully, there will be little opportunity for a sprint finish on the Etape, so the Rhino will not feel obliged to turn himself inside out on a fruitless pursuit.

Andrew “Mr Lover Man (Shabba)” Love
Self-confessed hill hater, Mr Lover Lover, Boombastic etc etc will have to get his cranium in order before next Summer if he's to have a decent day. He was looking forward to the descents until the Rhino cruelly posted You Tube video of the descent from the Croix de Fer. We're hoping to be able to find him by the time we leave for France, if he comes out of hiding.







 

"Polka Dot" Sam Worsley
Single handedly responsible for keeping the replica cycling jersey market afloat in these difficult economic times, we hope that the Polka Dot jersey will not be too much in evidence next Summer. Climbs well for a big lad.

And look what a great photo I found!!! Gotta love Facebook.....








Phil 'Filippo' Lewis
A new member of the Tour de Mercredi, the only picture we have is of him negotiating the rush hour traffic. Moo-ve over Phil, and spend the time between now & next Summer getting yourself as unfortunate a reputation as the rest of us.